MINUTES

DEPARTMENT HEADS MEETING March 3, 2008

In Attendance

INTRODUCTION

The CEO welcomed the members and noted  “that one of the most talented and successful CEO’s this country had produced other than himself of course had just been admitted to a Florida prison.” Capt Ron said that “he didn’t get to where he was today without recognizing talent and Lord Conrad Black was an intelligent, productive, decent individual with good manners who up until this time had never been charged with anything and could only be accused of being successful. General discussion followed and it was determined that Lord Black was mistreated by the American justice system and that it was travesty of justice. Suzie Quirt Warehouse Manager said it “Sucks to be him” and everyone agreed.

IRAN

The Corporate Secretary reported that the President of Iran had made a statement that “Nobody liked Americans” and that she found this particularly offensive because she knew for a fact that millions of Canadians like Americans and furthermore our organization deals with Americans on a regular basis and we have never had any problems. She said she considered it for a few minutes then fired off a press release to the new CNN service I-report to dispute the claim. The CEO said he “strongly supported the Corporate Secretary’s stand.” General discussion followed and it was determined that the President of Iran was a “dork”  John the Production Manager noted that while he agreed with the CEO regarding Lord Black and he most certainly agreed with the Corporate Secretary regarding Iran would it be possible to proceed from the general introduction to specific Board Committee items? The CEO remarked "that while that was a possibility it would not happen in a hurry "and he proceeded to lecture the group on the history of Iran and Lord Black.

Financial Report   Mary Redcord CFO gave the financial update. She again said “everything was fine” ( Mary telecommutes from her sailboat on Vancouver Island and spoke by radio telephone.) She mentioned that the weather in Victoria was very pleasant with the annual flower count in full swing and that she was sorry to hear about the freezing rain and snow at Corporate HQ in North Bay . Then she laughed and said a pod of killer whales had just passed by. General discussion followed and several board members thought it would be a good idea to check out our BC operations noting the temperature in North Bay was -17C.

Health and Welfare Staff Nurse Marjorie Payne reported that everyone was healthy with two exceptions noting that the Corporate Secretary was issued a sling for her right arm ” due to a mild case of carpel tunnel syndrome caused by attempting to sign too many copies of her new book YOUR VERY FIRST BILLION.” And apparently Willy VanderStad had gone into anaphylactic shock when he ”got the munchies just before lunch and mistakenly ate a chocolate bar with nuts in it forgetting apparently that he had a peanut allergy.” Nurse Payne gave a short lecture on the need for employees with peanut allergies not to eat foods with peanuts in them and for employees who had recently published books not to overdo it and try to sign them all at once. General discussion followed. As a joke Capt Ron took a nutty bar out of his brief case and ate it in front of Willy and then asked him if he wanted a piece. Nurse Payne commented that "although some would see that as funny in reality it was a serious medical problem." (later in the Pub Capt Ron admitted that he probably shouldn’t have done that but that his blood sugar was low due to his type 2 diabetes and he was feeling a bit giddy and he bought Willy a beer and then as a joke offered him a bowl of peanuts” )

 

Engineering Report. Chief Engineer Mr. Parducci reported on the confidential assignment the CEO had given him the previous meeting. He noted that since the assignment was in fact confidential that precise details of the progress on it would not be released but he was happy to report in a general way that all was going well and good progress was being made. He mentioned that he had discovered some very interesting details about the engineering differences in engine design and manufacture between German and Italian super cars thus confirming some earlier theories he held. Miss Redcord asked the Chief Engineer a hypothetical question regarding "the case of a CFO of a major Canadian corporation that was considering either an Italian Ferrari or a German Mercedes and which one should they buy?" The Chief Engineer replied diplomatically that he didn’t wish to comment unfairly on German Engineering and he preferred to take a positive attitude on these types of things and advised the CFO that the Mercedes company makes very good cars and they are used as taxis In Europe and if she wanted a good taxi that’s the brand she should buy. "But that if she wanted a real car she should buy the red one" although he cautioned he could not in good conscious advise the purchase of one car over another simply based on country of origin and his shop operations used a lot of really excellent German made machine tools and so he had to remain neutral. The CEO thought this was particularly funny and commented that Miss Redcord should purchase an ex Dodge BC ambulance like he did. The Corporate Secretary said it was time to go to the next topic.

Nutrition Break  Staff Nurse Marjorie Payne explained to the group that Board Meetings would now have a mid term nutrition break in addition to the bowls of Purity Peppermint Nobs (Newfoundland Candy) and Glacier water which were used to ensure blood sugar levels and hydration were maintained during the meetings. She said that certain members had Type 2 Diabetes (John the Production Manager pointed at the CEO) and that ingestion of sugar and the subsequent stress on the insulin resistance of diabetics was something that should be avoided. Marjorie said that a food with longer digestion times was preferred and she had therefore ordered in a selection of pizzas which were then delivered as she spoke. The Owner and  young assistants from the Pizza place (students from Nipissing University ) seemed especially attracted to several (female) members of the board and appeared to wish to stay. They asked about possible job vacancies or failing that dates. Nurse Payne thanked them for the excellent pizzas and advised them that we would be ordering on a regular basis in the future. General discussion followed and Mary Redcord CFO advised the group that the Pizzas were technically an Office expense since they were consumed during a Management Meeting while conducting business. Capt Ron commented that this “was the first office expense he had with pepperoni and green peppers on it.” Several minutes later the members got the joke and the CEO said he didn’t get to where he was today by not having a pizza or two on the way. Nurse Payne cautioned the group about eating too many pizzas and used the CEO as a “bad example” of what can happen to your waistline if you do.

 

Sales  Miss Hillary Wong Manager Sales reported that sales had been "especially good" and that she was considering hiring some more staff to deal with the volumes. Miss Wong has decided to build an additional warehouse complex on the East Coast to accommodate inventory and is co-coordinating the project with Miss Quirt Warehouse Manager. The CEO pointed out that we did not believe in those “foolish theories about Just In Time manufacturing” and explained how those that do have their manufacturing plants completely controlled by micro market demands and this was counter productive to establishing efficient long term manufacturing and shipping. John the Production Manager rose on a point of order and agreed and quickly sat down looking distressed that he had agreed with the CEO. Staff Nurse Marjorie Payne attended to him and discovered that he was feeling out of sorts and apparently had a low grade fever she attributed to a possible dental infection. (this was later confirmed by John’s dentist who performed an emergency root canal on his wisdom tooth). Capt Ron lectured the group on the evils of Just In Time (JIT) thinking and after 43 minutes John the Production Manager grabbed his head in pain and asked to be excused.

CanadianBullshit.com

The CEO reported on his “pet project”. He advised the group that visitors to the website were growing exponentially and that the site had received critical acclaim from several sources. He has decided to offer crested items that relate to some of the topics. One of the new topics was the Brenda Martin case where a Canadian citizen has been imprisoned over two years in a Mexican jail on what appears to be a trumped up charge. General discussion followed and all decided this was “a pile of crap” and that Brenda should be released immediately. Jennifer Cummings Legal Manager cautioned Capt Ron that he was walking a fine line with some of the topics on the site and cautioned him using potty language that he should be more careful. The Corporate Secretary cautioned the Legal Manager against using Potty Talk as that "contravened the basic rules of the Board and although she could certainly see the need for it in this case that the CEO had a right to be briefed without use of that language.” Jennifer said she was sorry but that her warning to the CEO remained in force. (Later in the pub Miss Cummings said she regretted using the potty talk but had been overworked lately with take overs and such and she was still concerned that the comments on the website would come back and bite the CEO on the bum. And that they couldn’t miss given the size of the man.)

 

YOUR VERY FIRST BILLION  The Corporate Secretary reported that she was receiving a large volume of positive feedback on her book and that the original idea that the CEO had to provide Canadians with sound advice on how to avoid business disaster was proving to be very effective. Miss Farsea advised that she has had to turn down several requests for speaking engagements for the book and a TV appearance because the last thing we needed was a higher profile. The CEO said he didn’t get to where he was today by having a high profile and that Canadian Billionaire  Ken Thomson another North Bay, Ontario native and richest man in Canada at his death in 2006 had often commented that" the best profile was no profile." General discussion followed and it was decided that the low profile approach was the best approach and Mr. Thompson knew what he was talking about.

Adjournment

Miss Suzie Quirt moved that the meeting be adjourned seconded by the Assistant to the Corporate Secretary. Passed.

The CEO raised a point of order however the Chair advised him that since the meeting had been adjourned he would need to wait until the next meeting.

The Staff Nurse authorized an expenditure "for medicinal purposes" from Petty Cash and took the Board Members to the local Pub” to help release pent up stress and resentment as a result of the CEO’s practical joke on Willy” The process took several hours but was ultimately successful.