MINUTES

DEPARTMENT HEADS MEETING April 10, 2008

In Attendance

• Capt Ron – CEO

• Miss Marcie M. Farsea –Corporate Secretary (Chair)

• Miss Alison Cooke Assistant to the Corporate Secretary (Minutes)

• John –Production Manager

• Giovanni Parducci –Chief Engineer

• Miss Mary Redcord –CFO –(telecommute from Vancouver Island while at Sea)  

• Miss Jennifer Cummings-Manager Legal Services

• Miss Hillary Wong –Manager Sales

• Miss Suzie Quirt –Warehouse Manager

• Willy VanderStadt –Engineering Technician

• Miss Marjorie Payne –Staff Nurse  

• Miss Leslie Pritchard -Staffing Director Main Shops

INTRODUCTION

The CEO welcomed the members and noted  that "winter seemed to be dragging on a bit long this year at Corporate HQ unlike our Offices in Western Canada and that he thought that perhaps Jog a Dog day should be moved up this year to cheer people up and in some cases (looking at John the Production Manager) give them a reason for not whining." The Production Manager immediately rose on a point of order and demanded that the CEO "take back his previous statement or at least the part of it that everyone could clearly see pertained to him" The CEO refused. The Production Manager rose on a second point of order and dared the CEO "to bring his dog to Jog and Dog Day because his dog would eat the CEO's dog." The CEO said his dog "would be there waiting." At this point the Corporate Secretary brought her gavel down and referred the matter of the change of date for Jog a Dog Day to Staff Nurse Marjorie Payne who tabled her report.

Jog a Dog Day 

Staff Nurse Marjorie Payne reviewed Jog a Dog Day and noted that this would be the fifth year of the annual event. The rules were quite simple - you could bring your dog to work that day. There was of course no rule against bringing your dog to work any other day Nurse Payne explained but Jog a Dog day was a special day for the Dogs where extra Dog oriented events were held. Jog a Dog referred to the event where staff and dogs jogged around the East field near the Main Shops building around the reflecting pond and past the trout pond and then back to the General Purpose Building where a light lunch would be served. The jog itself took about an hour and served as excellent cardio exercise to staff and dogs alike. Nurse Payne went on to caution members (looking at the CEO and the Production Manager)  "not to entice their dogs into fights as that would work against the whole idea of Jog a Dog Day". Nurse Payne then withdrew a very large hypodermic needle from her medical kit and cautioned "that any dog fights might require the immediate application of rabies anti toxin to those owners of the dogs as to lessen any chance of disease." General discussion followed and it was decided by all that dog fights on Jog a Dog Day would be a bad idea indeed. 

CanadianBullshit.com

The CEO briefed the group that his pet project was continuing to grow in popularity with thousands of viewers from around the world and that in fact several regulatory bodies had begun monitoring it. Jennifer Cummings Legal Director rose on a point of order and cautioned the CEO reminding him that she had previously told him the dangers of what he was doing and that perhaps in keeping with his policy on low profiles that he should" lay low on the website activities for a few weeks." Jennifer suggested that the reason the regulatory bodies were monitoring it was to build up documentation for their files. The CEO said that there were many issues here such as the huge number of ATV injuries and several of the dozens of other topics on the site that he felt so strongly about that he was willing to take some risk to improve them and that he didn't get to where he was today by sitting on his hands and doing nothing while Rome burned. Willy Vanderstad rose on a point of order to enquire about the fire in Rome as he hoped to visit a building there one day.  The Chief Engineer said something to him and he sat down looking embarrassed. The Chief Engineer advised that he had told Willy that building was not part of the fire and that there was no reason to worry. 

Financial Report   Mary Redcord CFO gave the financial update. She again said “everything was fine” ( Mary telecommutes from her sailboat on Vancouver Island and spoke by radio telephone.) Mary thanked the Chief Engineer and the Main Shop for doing the annual tune up on her Zodiac's British Seagull Forty Plus outboard and noted that it had lots more zip. ( Mr. Parducci later admitted that he and Willy VanderStad had ripped it apart and "made some small improvements boosting the horsepower from about three to about thirty or so by merely correcting the British engineering faults and tightening up some tolerances, balancing the crank and piston and adding a few roller bearings, a better ignition system and carb and a few other odds and sods like raising the rpms from 4000 to 20,000 to bring it up to Italian engineering standards and they also changed the paint colour from standard Seagull Black to racing Ferrari red.")

Engineering Report. Chief Engineer Mr. Parducci reported that he continued to make excellent progress on the CEO's confidential assignment. He said for reasons of confidentiality he would be unable to report on precise aspects of the assignment but that he could in general terms indicate that the main variable he was assigned to report on had been successfully researched and 12 sub variables identified and that steady progress was being made in all of them. The CEO congratulated the Chief Engineer for his excellent work and said "that if his premise was correct and he didn't get to where he was today by coming up with incorrect premises that the research would result in extremely significant news for the world Engineering community". John the Production Manager rose on a point of order and asked "to be better informed about the confidential project so that he could make any necessary changes in production." Both the CEO and Chief Engineer agreed that this would be impossible due to it's confidential nature. The CEO remarked "that while he fully understood the Production Manager's concern he would be fully apprised of any necessary production issues before they arose." The Production Manager thanked the CEO and noted that he was "just doing his job." The Chief Engineer requisitioned two interns to assist with his research project and Miss Pritchard advised that they would be available from our pre selects immediately. 

 

STAFF SUGGESTION   Miss Hillary Wong  suggested that members consider purchasing fuel efficient vehicles as her Department's research indicated a summer spike in gasoline prices to $1.65/L and major disruptions in gasoline supply. Miss Wong drives a diesel Smart Car. The Corporate Secretary suggested that" if anyone tried to take away her Land Rover LR3 she would throw a pretty big hissy fit and it wouldn't be pretty." The Chief Engineer said that his Ferrari was actually fuel efficient "in its own way and that ratings were relative anyway" and one had to consider the available horsepower the vehicle put out and its advantages before jumping to conclusions. Willy said "he would go nuts if he didn't have his big pick up truck". Capt Ron said that "he maintained three vehicles one for each major function and his big 1980 Dodge ex BC ambulance was on propane anyway and wouldn't be effected by gasoline prices".  General discussion followed and it was decided that maintaining three vehicles like the CEO instead of one Smart Car was the best approach and several members said they would purchase additional vehicles to cover functions that their present vehicles did not cover. Miss Wong burst out into tears saying that "the group just didn't get it and the entire planet was on the verge of distinction". Nurse Marjorie Payne administered a mild sedative. The Corporate Secretary suggested that we could institute a car club such as those emerging in the UK where gas was twice the price. Marcie explained that one car could be shared by up to 20 drivers.  Capt Ron said this was an excellent idea and Miss Wong was positively cheery when the CEO authorized the purchase of ten club cars (5 for BC and 5 for Ontario) on a pilot project to see if the idea had merit in our operations and furthermore promised to retire one of his vehicles -his 1988 Dodge Caravan. Miss Wong said that "she was proud to work for an organization that respected the environment" and she thanked the group and "especially Capt Ron for being such a wonderful boss." John the Production Manager rose on a point of order and noted that "since staff worked the same hours that availability of the club cars would be an issue". Further discussion was carried over to the next Board Meeting. 

YOUR VERY FIRST BILLION  The Corporate Secretary reported that she was receiving a large volume of e-mails from readers who agreed with the points made in her book. She also received a small number of crank e-mails from people who would experience lower revenue if some of the suggestions were followed.  Marcie advised that she had also received three job offers from other major world corporations which she of course had turned down and also turned down several speaking requests because of our policy on keeping a low profile. Marcie said she "preferred the low profile Canadian style approach." The CEO congratulated the Corporate Secretary and reminded the members that it was his idea that she write the book. 

Legal  Miss Jennifer Cummings lectured the group on "the dangers of expressing controversial public opinions on the Internet" noting that" the CEO and Corporate Secretary were getting quite the international  reputation for posting outrageous opinions and information which challenged many of the institutions of power and which therefore were open to potential legal action not to mention that there were real wackos out there that could do anything". Jennifer said that" while she enjoyed a good contest she and her staff were quite busy with corporate takeovers and such and the last thing she wanted was to get bogged down in litigation work." The Corporate Secretary commented that she felt several important issues were at stake here and since the news media seemed incapable of handling some of the more important issues she would. Marcie said one issue that particularly bothered her were "the idiots who posted anti-American sentiments on the CBC site." She agreed with the CEO that 25% of the Canadian population were stupid.  Capt Ron said that he "stopped being politically correct years ago" and that he "fully supported the Corporate Secretary in anything she did while respecting the opinion of the Director of Legal Services too." Jennifer said this was one reason her bar bill was getting out of hand and sat down. Nurse Payne administered a mild sedative. Miss Cummings remarked that she had been worried about something but it had passed and attributed it to the combination of the sedative and three shots of Lamb's Navy Rum she had at lunch with the Corporate Secretary. 

WAREHOUSE OPERATIONS Miss Suzie Quirt reported that they had a small rat problem on the East Warehouse due to a shipment from an area of infestation. Not wanting to use poisons to solve the problem what with Jog a Dog day approaching and the presence of food stuffs - she purchased 10 cats from local humane society and within a week the problem was solved. Capt Ron rose on a point of order and enquired as to how the dogs might react to the cats. General discussion followed and it was decided that for Jog a dog Day the cats would be confined to a secure area in the warehouse to avoid any unfortunate accidents which could precipitate the return of the rats. Willy said he would be willing to adopt a couple of the cats as he was lonely after loosing his pet snake Brian in a truck related accident some time ago. 

SPECIAL THANKS The CEO gave special thanks to Miss Alison Cooke for keeping excellent minutes of the Board Meetings "despite her disability related to her stroke as a child and the resulting fact that the left side of her body was paralyzed making her quite the gimp." Nurse Payne rose on a point of order and reminded the CEO that while it was very clear to all members that the CEO was trying his best to be nice that drawing attention to a person's disability was not a good idea. The Corporate Secretary said that "gimp" was fairly accurate for Alison when she had three or four shots of Newfoundland Screech but not when she was sober. Nurse Payne suggested "that feeding a gimp strong rum was not a very good idea either because they would likely fall down and possibly injure themselves. General discussion followed and it was suggested that the conversation be continued in the local pub and that Capt Ron pay. He agreed.

Adjournment

Miss Suzie Quirt moved that the meeting be adjourned seconded by the Assistant to the Corporate Secretary. Passed.