MINUTES

DEPARTMENT HEADS MEETING June 18, 2008

In Attendance

• Capt Ron – CEO

• Miss Marcie M. Farsea –Corporate Secretary (Chair)

• Miss Alison Cooke Assistant to the Corporate Secretary (Minutes)

• John –Production Manager

• Giovanni Parducci –Chief Engineer

• Miss Mary Redcord –CFO –(telecommute from Vancouver Island while at Sea)  

• Miss Jennifer Cummings-Manager Legal Services

• Miss Hillary Wong –Manager Sales

• Miss Suzie Quirt –Warehouse Manager

• Willy VanderStadt –Engineering Technician

• Miss Marjorie Payne –Staff Nurse  

• Miss Leslie Pritchard -Staffing Director Main Shops

• Intern Jane (MBA student)

INTRODUCTION

The CEO welcomed the members and noted  that we had an Intern in attendance and that everyone should be on their best behaviour or failing that they should try and be at least reasonable. Capt Ron said that Staff Nurse Payne had requested to make a special presentation to the group and so the regular agenda items would be shuffled around somewhat.

Special Medical Presentation -Internet Addiction

Staff Nurse Marjorie Payne introduced the topic of Internet Addiction noting that it was a new pathological phenomenon that was just being recognized now by medical staff and that we all had to be on guard for it appearing here.  Marjorie began by asking the group to stand up and then asking anyone who spent less than one hour a day on the Internet to sit down. Willie, Suzzie and Leslie sat down. Then Nurse Payne said that anyone that spent less than three hours a day on the Internet could sit down. John the Production Manager, The Chief Engineer, Miss Cummings sat down and by telephone Mary Redcord apologized and said she really should have sat down the last time but a large freighter was going by and she had to keep a sharp lookout. (Mary is Telecommuting from Vancouver Island and was on her sailboat at the time just transiting Haro Strait), Nurse Payne sat down. The only ones standing were the CEO and the Corporate Secretary both of whom seemed ill at ease. 

Marjorie asked both if time seemed to disappear when on line and both admitted that it did. Nurse Payne said this was a classic case of time distortion and that clearly intervention had to be taken. 

Nurse Payne informed the group that nobody should be spending more than three hours a day on the Internet and was going to invoke a clause in her contract which allowed her to perform medical interventions in the case of staff addictions. Marjorie advised Capt Ron and Marcie that their Internet privileges would be limited to three hours a day effective immediately, that Capt Ron had to shut down his pet Project CanadianBullshit.com and that the Corporate Secretary had to immediately stop posting items on the CBC and CNN. Marjorie gave both a large bottle of red pills with instructions to take one or two three times a day in case of withdrawal symptoms appearing. The CEO and the Corporate Secretary sat down and appeared to be in shock and smelling salts were administered to both by Nurse Payne.

CanadianBullshit.com

The CEO briefed the group that as much as he enjoyed working on his pet project mainly because it was fun and took his mind off his CEO duties that thanks to Nurse Payne's intervention that he would stop working on the website.  He said that he would wrap up the website convert it to an ebook and cease all further work on it effective June 21st which he noted to those who may have forgotten was the summer solstice. Capt Ron commented that he didn't get to where he was today by not listening to his medical advisors and thanked the Staff Nurse for her intervention. 

John the Production Manager rose on a point of order and said that he could see this one coming. He was immediately warned by the Corporate Secretary about the convention against using hindsight at Board Meetings. John rephrased his point of order and said that he actually felt sorry for the CEO and Corporate Secretary because apparently they were both Internet Addicts which in his books is pretty close to a junkie or hopeless alcoholic and he would do anything he could do to help. The Chief Engineer rose on a point of order and invited both the CEO and Corporate Secretary to visit the Main Shops to keep their minds off the Internet and view the new CNC Lathe that had just been delivered. Willy rose on a point of order and invited the Corporate Secretary out for a beer to help take her mind off the internet. He said normally he would also invite the CEO out for a beer too but since he had type2 diabetes and did not drink what would be the point. Jennifer Cummings rose on a point of order and reminded the group that she had tried on several occasions to caution the CEO on comments he was making on his website and their possible legal consequences. She said she fully supported the intervention by Staff Nurse Marjorie Payne. Miss Suzzie Quirt rose on a point of order and noted that since the CEO would have more time to do CEO tasks now that perhaps he would like to inspect the new East Warehouse and the ultra modern material handling system she had installed. General discussion followed and it was decided that the internet addiction was likely caused by the CEO's actions and the poor Corporate Secretary through no fault of her own simply followed his example and he should be ashamed of himself but that all staff would be more than willing to help. 

 

Corporate Secretary's Report

Marcie began by saying that she was taken aback a bit by Staff Nurse Payne's intervention but that she like the CEO always followed the advice of her medical experts. She said she would immediately stop posting articles on CNN's Ireport where she had qualified as an All Star reporter and CBC's reader comments where she admitted she was well known. Marcie admitted that "things may have gotten a bit out of control" Willy rose on a point of order as to enquire if the Corporate Secretary would in fact go out for a beer with him after the meeting. Marcie said "sure she would love to" but that she was in the middle of her report at this time and did he have a roll of dimes in his pocket or was he just glad to see her?. Willy sat down with a red face and was quiet for several minutes.  

Marcie briefed the group on recent take overs and such and reported that sales of her book YOUR VERY FIRST BILLION were going very well and that she was receiving a lot of very complementary e-mail. The CEO rose on a point of order and noted to the group that it was his decision to assign Marcie this project and he congratulated her on its success. The intern rose on a point of order and asked if an intern could address the group and was told by the Corporate Secretary that she could and please go ahead. The Intern expressed her concern that Marcie's book was being advertised as "the best damn book on business ever written by a girl" as possibly being demeaning to women. The meeting erupted in laughter. Capt Ron commented that Marcie was a girl after all and the book was simply excellent and what was the problem? The Corporate Secretary said she certainly found nothing wrong with it and thought it was rather complementary besides being accurate. The Intern asked if this would be in the minutes and the CEO commented that the Gimp accurately records meetings as they occur with no censorship and that our meetings are completely transparent. Nurse Payne rose on a point of order and again cautioned the CEO about drawing attention to a staff members' disability and that Alison may be paralyzed on her left side but calling her a gimp was not a nice thing to do even if she was a gimp. Capt Ron said he meant no disrespect and that everyone liked Alison but that a gimp was a gimp. Alison said she didn't mind being called a gimp and it just made her try even harder. The Intern just shook her head and said that she had a lot to think about and that they never told her something like this would happen back in class and that she would need to consult with her Professor. The Intern said that when she was told that one rule here was that you could say anything you wanted to anytime you wanted to at first she thought that was impossible but now she sees that it actually works. She thanked the group for allowing her in the meeting to see how a major international conglomerate works and said she was very impressed. 

 

STAFF SUGGESTION  

Willy VanderStad who is from Wawa suggested that a giant goose be erected near the reflecting pond to remind him of home.   General discussion followed and it was decided that if we placed a giant goose in Corporate Headquarters then it would compete with the Wawa goose and that would not be fair to the good citizens of Wawa. John the Production Manager suggested a giant shadfly might work. The Chief Engineer stated that he could make a 50 foot shad fly out of ferrocement in about two weeks with some volunteer labour from the Main Shops. Suzzie Quirt said she didn't particularly like shad flies and having a 50 foot monster lurking outside like that might scare the crap out of her and she might not be able to work. Jennifer Cummings reminded the group of the policy of maintaining a low profile and that a 50 foot shad fly would undoubtedly become a tourist attraction and there would be continual requests for visits and tours. General discussion followed and it was decided that Willy could put a small goose statue in his work area which should remind him of home and yet not scare the other staff. 

Legal 

WAREHOUSE OPERATIONS Miss Suzie Quirt reported that the small rat problem on the East Warehouse had been eradicated by the ten cats she had purchased for the purpose and than now the cats were up for adoption for staff members. Capt Ron made a joke about Chinese food and cats which nobody could seem to understand and he refused to explain it saying that the nature of humour was that sometimes a joke just didn't work and he didn't get to where he was today by beating a dead horse. Willy rose on a point of order and said that he liked horses and recently read some supportive comments that the Corporate Secretary had placed on the CBC website about Lawyer Clayton Ruby and his support for saving horses from slaughter houses and that it brought him to tears. Leslie recalled a childhood incident when her friends horse was hit by a milk truck. Capt Ron explained that beating a dead horse was an unfortunate phrase and that he liked horses too and that many a day at the track he had bet on his favourite nag and he too thought they should have a nice retirement not marched into a slaughterhouse to be be murdered for their meat or run over by an errant milk truck. Some of the girls started to cry at this point and Staff Nurse Marjorie Payne cautioned Capt Ron for using such descriptive language on such a sensitive topic and told the group that on her ranch back in Alberta she had a special barn for retired horses called Golden Acres and she agreed with the CEO and Corporate Secretary and started to cry and had to sit down. Miss Suzie Quirt suggested it was her fault for bringing up the dead rats and that she always wanted a horse and could we make some room for retired horses in the General Purpose Building down by the reflecting pond? . 

Adjournment

Miss Suzie Quirt moved that the meeting be adjourned early and that staff retire to the pub and that Capt Ron pay, seconded by the Assistant to the Corporate Secretary. Passed.