MINUTES

DEPARTMENT HEADS MEETING June 28, 2008

In Attendance

• Capt Ron – CEO

• Miss Marcie M. Farsea –Corporate Secretary (Chair)

• Miss Alison Cooke Assistant to the Corporate Secretary (Minutes)

• John –Production Manager

• Giovanni Parducci –Chief Engineer

• Miss Mary Redcord –CFO –(telecommute from Friday Harbour WA  while at Sea)  

• Miss Jennifer Cummings-Manager Legal Services

• Miss Hillary Wong –Manager Sales

• Miss Suzie Quirt –Warehouse Manager

• Willy VanderStadt –Engineering Technician

• Miss Marjorie Payne –Staff Nurse  

• Miss Leslie Pritchard -Staffing Director Main Shops

• Intern Jane (MBA student)

• Dr. Bill (Professor and Intern Jane's Academic Advisor)

INTRODUCTION

The CEO welcomed the members and noted  that our intern was in attendance and had brought her Graduate Adviser  that everyone should be on their best behaviour again or failing that they should try and be at least reasonable as this was the first visit by Dr. Bill and he trusted the Corporate Secretary or the Assistant to the Corporate Secretary had briefed him on the rules. Dr. Bill said that Miss Cooke had given him a very impressive briefing and he said that he was glad she did and he especially liked the part where people could say anything they felt like including the Interns. Dr. Bill said he had never encountered anything like that before but it certainly was a welcome change and he was looking forward to seeing how it all worked. Capt Ron said he was glad the Gimp had briefed him and that he hoped he enjoyed the meeting. Staff Nurse Marjorie Payne again reminded the CEO that he should not refer to the Assistant to the Corporate Secretary as "the Gimp". The CEO said that he didn't get to where he was today by calling a spade a shovel but he would try his best.

Medical Report

Staff Nurse Marjorie Payne briefed the group on progress made on the internet addiction diagnosed for two staff in the previous Board Meeting. Marjorie said she was glad to report that the CEO had closed down his pet project CANADIANBULLSHIT.COM and converted it into an E-book as promised and that the Corporate Secretary had refrained from making any more postings on either the CBC or CNN's I-report were she even cancelled her account. Marjorie said that she was quite proud of both executives for what must have been a difficult step on the road back to good mental health. 

However Staff Nurse Payne reported that Systems had advised here that there were a sharp rise in postings on the CBC site from CFO Mary Redcord. Marjorie expressed concern that Mary's personality might not be conducive to making public posts. Willy rose on a point of order and noted that Mary's nickname was "Little Miss Bossy" and that she would likely tell everyone what to do. General discussion followed and it was decided that perhaps the CFO would be a little too strong willed for the public posts and that perhaps the Staff Nurse could tell her so. The CEO rose on a point of order and admitted that he didn't get to where he was today by taking unnecessary risks and perhaps it would be better if she heard it from a medical person instead of the CEO and he would of course back her up if necessary and she would have the CEOs full and unqualified support unless of course Miss Redcord lost her temper in which case it was every man for himself.  At this point Miss Redcord checked in from Friday Harbour Washington after just clearing US customs. Willy blurted out that she was not to post anything more on the CBC site and much to the surprise of all Miss Redcord said " OK" and noted that after the meeting she was on her way to Herbs Bar to check things out.  

REPORT OF PARANORMAL PHENOMENON  

Miss Hillary Wong advised members that during a lunch break last week near the reflecting pond down by the General Purpose Building she saw what she believed might be a Doppelganger. General discussion followed and Staff Nurse Marjorie Payne explained what a Doppelganger was and why this was probably not a good thing. Hillary said that it looked just like her but instead of having dark hair had blond hair. Capt Ron rose on a point of order and said that this situation would be best handled in camera and that Hillary and Staff Nurse Payne and himself would discuss it in his office after the board meeting. 

CanadianBullshit.com the E-book

The CEO reported that sales of the E-book were going quite well and he was glad to see that the website would live on in history helping people and making them think. Dr. Bill rose on a point of order and said he had downloaded a copy of the book and that it was the best e-book he had read to date. John the Production Manager rose on a point of order and asked Dr. Bill how many E-books he had read to date and Dr. Bill admitted that this was the first one but that he still thought it was an exceptional book. Intern Jane rose on a point of order and remarked that Dr. Bill had hundreds of books in his office and that if he said he liked a book then he was comparing it to them many of which he had apparently read. General discussion followed and it was decided that Dr. Bill very likely knew a good book when he saw one and that the CEO should certainly consider this a complement. Capt Ron said he didn't get to where he was today without receiving a complement or two and he thanked Dr. Bill and glared at the Production Manager. Who made a face and glared back. 

 

Corporate Secretary's Report

The Corporate Secretary reported that she missed not being able to comment on the CBC and CNN and that she had received several e-mails saying that she was missed and a few asking for dates and one proposal of marriage from a millionaire in Texas. Marcie said she had been following some of the posts the CFO had placed on the CBC and thought that Mary was being a little too mean in some of them but that's what likely made her such a crackerjack Accountant. Willy rose on a point of order and asked if he could get some cracker jacks too. The Chief Engineer whispered something in Willy's ear and he sat down and was quiet for the rest of the meeting. Marcie reported on two recent corporate take overs and commented that with the present business environment it was much like shooting ducks in a barrel. Intern Jane rose on a point of order and gave a short report on the 500 tar sand ducks that recently flew into but not out of a leeching pond in Alberta. There was general discussion on the ducks and Capt Ron said the idea of those beady eyed little quackers drowning in heavy high sulphur oil was enough to turn his stomach. John the Production Manager requested that we proceed to the next topic as for the life of him he failed to see how the tar sand  and ducks had anything to do with the Board Meeting. Capt Ron said that he would talk about the damn ducks all day if he wanted to but the Corporate Secretary as Chair brought her gavel down and proceeded to the next topic.  

STAFF SUGGESTION  

Miss Suzzi Quirt suggested that Interns be paid as they attended board meetings and participated in company operations and worked hard. Dr. Bill rose on a point of order and explained to the group that the idea behind an intern was that they were able to view a company's operations but not cost the company anything thus ensuring that more intern positions would open up for future students. The CEO said this was the stupidest thing he had heard all week and that if somebody was working for this organization then they would damn well get paid because he didn't get to where he was today by being a slave owner. The Production Manager rose on a point of order and declared that he fully supported the CEO and that Interns had consistently shown excellent levels of productivity and should be paid. He then said "What have I done?" and sat down. General Discussion followed and it was decided to pay the Interns. The Corporate Secretary wrote a check on the Petty Cash Account and gave it to Intern Jane who looked at the check and fainted. Staff Nurse Marjorie Payne applied smelling salts to the Intern and quickly had her conscious again. Dr. Bill rose on a point of order and noted that it was terribly insulting to a graduate student to be paid out of Petty Cash and that he for one wished that no payment had been made rather that such a small one. Intern Jane shook here head and showed Dr. Bill the check. Dr. Bill immediately apologized and muttered that was more than he made - a lot more and he sat down. 

LEGAL AFFAIRS 

Miss Jennifer Cummings reported that her department was working at maximum efficiency as usual and that all was going well and that she had less to worry about now that the CEO's pet project had been closed because "it was a time bomb ready to go off" Jennifer did express concerns about the CFO posting items on the CBC and recalled the famous Duck and Goose Manoeuvre (DGM) when after a wild shed party the CFO and the Corporate Secretary had been arrested. Dr. Bill rose on a point of order and asked for some clarification about the Duck and Goose Manoeuvre as he was not familiar with it. Jennifer explained that the Corporate Secretary was the duck and the the CFO was the goose and that in the back of the police car to jail they began to make the appropriate noises and by the time the officers had delivered them to the jail they were all laughing so hard tears were flowing down their cheeks. The two constables apparently laughed about the incident for several months after and to this day still tell stories about the time they arrested the duck and the goose. Then after tossing them gently into the drunk tank the two girls had the rest of them making duck quacks and goose honks and it got so bad that the police gave them some coffee and released them. Jennifer proceeded to make the duck quack which was sort of cute and the goose honk which was downright scary and general discussion followed. Dr. Bill said that was brilliant and the Corporate Secretary with somewhat of a red face moved the discussion to the next agenda item.

WAREHOUSE OPERATIONS Miss Suzie Quirt reported that the decision to expand the East Warehouse had been a good one as fluctuations in demand caused by the increased prices in the energy sector had allowed us to obtain additional inventory in some product lines at very advantageous prices and the design of the building resulted in minimal costs to store the items. Captain Ron rose on a point of order and explained to Dr. Bill and Intern Jane that we did not believe in the Just In Time (JIT) inventory management system and gave a short lecture of some 15 minutes explaining why it did not work and how stupid people were who tried it and why maintaining a good inventory did work very well. He was just getting warmed up and threatened to give a short lecture on the dangers and evils of statistical processing when the Chair introduced the next agenda item. 

MAIN SHOPS NAMING CONVENTION

Miss Leslie Pritchard presented a petition from workers at the Main Shops urging the Executive Team not to allow other groups in the operation to use the title Main Shops or Main Shop Building at their locations. The gist of the presentation was that they were extremely proud to work in the Main Shops and they knew they were the best and always would be and they resented other locations attempting move in on their areas of expertise. They were particularly upset with two of our American locations and one in the UK who both attempted to use the term in what they referred to as a provocative and cavalier fashion.

Miss Pritchard cautioned the members that there was no such thing as a small personnel problem and that the workers at the Main Shops were basically really pissed about this and that she hoped the Executive would make it very clear that there could only be one Main Shop.

The Chief Engineer rose on a point of order and declared that he fully supported his staff at the Main Shops.  The CEO declared that he didn't get to where he was today by annoying the staff at the Main Shops and while not belittling the efforts of other staff in other locations who worked well but not to the same standards as the Main Shop Staff  he said he fully supported their stand. This brought a standing ovation from members which lasted 22 seconds. The Corporate Secretary immediately issued CSO#5 (Corporate Secretary Order #5) pertaining to system wide naming conventions for shop operations. Dr. Dave rose on a point of order and declared he had never seen such a contentious issue dealt with so fairly and so quickly before. Capt Ron said he didn't get to where he is today by not being able to deal with a contentious issue efficiently and effectively. At this point John the Production Manager was overtaken by an uncontrollable bout of laughter and had to be attended to by Staff Nurse Marjorie Payne. He later remarked in the pub that it was likely stress that caused it. 

STAFF VACATION PERIOD

The Corporate Secretary reported to the members that she had been looking at the calendar for suitable days for the shut down period (SDP) and that there were quite a few of them in July and August and that she thought the most efficient way of handling it was just to simply declare that both months July and August should be subject to SDP. General discussion followed and it was determined that the Corporate Secretary was in fact absolutely correct. Dr Bill rose on a point of order and wondered what the effect on staff would be to have an entire two month period without pay. The CEO advised him that he had no idea. Mary Redcord reported that what the CEO meant was that since the staff are all paid during the shut down period at the vacation rate which is 1.5 times the normal pay rate that it was in fact a hypothetical question and the CEO never replies to hypothetical questions and did that explain it? Dr. Bill said that yes it did. (explain it). The CEO declared the entire operation would be subject to shut down for vacation effective July 1/08 up to and including Aug 31/08. 

CEO'S 60TH BIRTHDAY

Staff Nurse Marjorie Payne reported that a perusal of Health Records had determined that the CEO would be celebrating his 60th birthday on August 7th. John the Production Manager rose on a point of order and wished the CEO well noting that he would now be as old as a tree. Willy said he didn't know anybody that old. Jennifer Cummings noted that the CEO should talk to her about a Power of Attorney as should he have a stroke or get dementia which was common in men of his age and girth that having it in place would save a lot of problems later. Dr. Bill commented that there were several staff at the University that were 60 or better and not all of them had gone potty although two were wearing depends and one was getting very forgetful doing things like parking his car it other's spaces and then forgetting which car was his. The Chief Engineer said that frequently a production machine could last 60 years with proper maintenance but after that it was pretty much shot and worn out but that he thought it might be different with people and wished the CEO the best of luck. General discussion followed and it was decided that something should be done for the CEO's 60th but that because the operation was to be in the SDP for that time frame that nothing would be done until everyone got back. 

 

Adjournment

Miss Suzie Quirt moved that the meeting be adjourned early and that staff retire to the pub and that Capt Ron pay to celebrate the arrival of the holidays, seconded by the Assistant to the Corporate Secretary. Passed.